Episode 5 min
0:00 wherever you are right now just find your way to a comfortable seat or maybe you're lying down and that's perfect too let your shoulders soften unclench your jaw and just for a moment notice your breath in and out you don't have to change it just feel it0:30 feel the quiet support of whatever is holding you up you've made it here and here is a good place to be0:43 the american psychological association recently endorsed a practice that doesn't require you to achieve anything at all in fact its entire power comes from not trying last time we talked about our cracks being golden how being broken can make something more beautiful but that beauty doesn't come from just ignoring the breaks1:13 it comes from the gentle steady work of tending to them and that work has a name it's called self compassion and it's not what you might think it isn't about letting yourself off the hook it's about changing the way you hold the hook in the first place it has three parts and they're all so simple first kindness1:41 responding to yourself when you mess up with the same warmth you'd offer a friend second remembering our common humanity the research puts it so beautifully suffering and inadequacy are not signs that something went uniquely wrong with you they are part of being human you aren't alone in this feeling never and third mindfulness which is just a way2:10 of noticing your difficult feelings without getting swept away by them here's what that means if you're someone who is always pushing yourself it means you can stop confusing self criticism with motivation for so long we've been sold this idea of self esteem but self esteem is a roller coaster it soars when you succeed and it crashes when2:37 you fail it asks you to win self compassion doesn't require a scoreboard it's stable it's unconditional and because it doesn't move based on outcomes it consistently reduces anxiety it gives you a place to stand that isn't shaking so how do you do it how do you find that steady ground it starts with the pause that moment3:07 of non doing we talked about when something difficult happens a mistake a harsh word a wave of sadness our instinct is to either fight it or run away from it but mindfulness creates a third option a space where you can just sit with the discomfort long enough to respond to it on purpose to choose kindness researcher doctor3:35 kristin neff offers a simple phrase for this moment you can say it to yourself silently this is a moment of suffering suffering is part of being human may i be kind to myself right now that's it that's the whole practice but here's the part that changes everything the writer and thinker bell hooks said it best rarely if4:04 ever are any of us healed in isolation healing is an act of communion your own renewal was never meant to be a solitary project when you offer yourself this quiet kindness you're not just healing you you're practicing a way of being that ripples outward it changes how you show up for others it makes you a safer harbor4:31 for the people in your life who are also inevitably going to have their own moments of suffering we restore one another4:43 so as you move on from here maybe you could try it the next time that inner critic gets loud just a small quiet gesture you could place a hand over your heart feel the warmth there it's a way of saying without words i'm here with you we'll get through this it feels a little strange at first and5:12 then it feels like coming home remember softly you are enough just as you are
