About this episode Dive into a whimsical world where classic fairy tales are turned on their heads! Each week, join our storyteller as they reimagine beloved stories, swapping characters, rewriting endings, and breaking every rule you thought you knew. Discover the untold versions of your favorite fables and gain a fresh, often hilarious, perspective on timeless narratives.
0:00 the tea was lukewarm but belle threw the entire porcelain cup against the fireplace anyway last week we exposed hansel and gretel as the greedy little hustlers they actually were while the so called witch just wanted to bake her bread in peace and today oh we need to talk about beauty and the beast because whoever wrote the original0:23 draft clearly stopped writing before looking in a single mirror0:28 we've been told the story a thousand times the sweet misunderstood village bookworm gets dragged into the gloomy woods to redeem an ugly brute pure poetry right wrong here's what actually happened the man in the castle wasn't cursed by some petty fairy he left society entirely on purpose his name was arthur he had a massive brow thick fur0:56 and claws that were admittedly inconvenient for turning delicate manuscript pages but arthur had spent thirty years watching dukes lie courtiers stab each other in the back for silk ribbons and crowds applaud public hangings so he built a life among cedar trees rose gardens and 40 foot mahogany shelves packed with philosophy and astronomy he wasn't hiding from the1:21 world because he was ashamed he was hiding because he found polite human society completely incurably monstrous enter belle now the village didn't call her belle because of her sparkling wit they called her belle because she had high cheekbones and never let anyone forget it she carried a leather bound book through the market square solely as a prop1:48 half the time the thing was upside down she sighed dramatically by water fountains complained that provincial life was simply too small for someone of her radiant perfection and judged everyone from the butcher's slouch to the baker's complexion when her father wandered onto arthur's estate arthur didn't throw him into a dungeon arthur gave the shivering old man hot2:12 broth a wool blanket and pointed him toward the gate but belle saw an opportunity a grand tragic heroine role just waiting to be claimed she marched up to the castle gates flung them open and announced that she would sacrifice her freedom to save her father's life arthur was sitting by the fire reading aristotle he looked up bewildered2:37 madam he said gently your father went home three hours ago the door was unlocked2:44 belle didn't care about the unlocked door she cared about the drama she wanted to play the noble savior who fixes a feral monster with the sheer brilliance of her countenance for months she treated that sanctuary like a personal stage she criticized the tapestries she told arthur that if he simply shaved his face learned to dance the minuet3:07 and wore velvet doublets he might pass for decent she constantly dropped hints about how lucky he was to have someone so breathtaking grace his dining table3:19 arthur listened he brewed her chamomile tea with honey he invited her to discuss metaphysics he showed her his telescope and the star charts he'd spent a decade mapping out and belle she rolled her eyes she checked her reflection in the polish of the dining table silver then came the grand finale the moment every bad first draft builds3:42 toward belle corners arthur on the balcony moonbeams catching her hair and proclaims her love she waits for the golden light she waits for the fur to magically fall away she waits for a six foot two prince with chiseled jawlines and royal deeds to fall at her feet4:04 nothing happened arthur looked down at his paws then up at bell why would i ever want to become that again he asked bell's face twisted you're supposed to change for me she hissed her voice sharp enough to strip paint you're repulsive without a handsome face you're just an animal rotting in an empty house arthur didn't yell he4:31 didn't roar he just set his teacup down on the stone balustrade the gates are open belle they always were she packed her velvet trunks and stormed back down the mountain back to a village where people only value what catches the sun for a second arthur sat down in his leather armchair wrapped his thick furry coat around his4:57 chest and pulled a fresh volume of poetry from the shelf bathed in absolute blissful silence
